When talkg bout the past
There r smthg u never want to happen again
And smtimes u want to savour the moment again
There r past which u r ashamed
There r glory in the past that u proud of
Ppl sayings that we should neva rmmber the past
It is actully the past that teach us life

Discrimination

Human is full of discrimination
U just can see it
U totally can feel it, hear it or sense it
It is totally obvious

Evry single day
When i look at the tv, intrnet, or wtv media out there
Ppl that r physically beautiful r been given heaven for them
Although some, no, most of them r totally stupid and self lover
Beauty, fame, spoilt, are all synonyms

I do admire beauty
The one that is kept mystery
The one who have the rareness
The heaven of the eye that lies hidden
Seems so untouchable
And noble
And the beauty where i just never get bored exploring

Public where i face now bores me
I just can read them
So proud of their faces, but so weak at heart
Announcing their pretty faces with no shame, but their life seems so boring
Always being boastful
It will annoys u much
U just can read them
Fame seems to fancy these kinda ppl
Love to potray their life
For what?
So u can be respected?
Smday when u get mature, u'll probably laugh to see how stupid u r was back then


God gave us beauty not to be boast off
It is actually a test that lies bhind the gift
World may seems heaven for self lovers
But there r paybacks coming

Ive encountered myself
With people
Who always so proud of their faces
It doesnt cross my mind they would act that way when i first met them
I neva thought there r actually ppl who r not ashamed to admit they r damn too beautiful among their friends
And they look down on others
I was so shocked of the reality
Their demure faces r just mask
Acting to fool ppl

I've learnt a lesson
Never judge a friend by their faces
It just a mask
They'll annoy u
And force u to remind about their beautifulness all the time
Thats not fun rite to hav frens like that

The world isnt about me myself and i
Selfishness doesnt bring us anywhere but to hell itself
Ppl should look at others from their heart, their mind and antics..
Beauty faces just fades and dies with the wrinkles

Im writing for those who feels down about their physical,
Who blames god that he is being unfair

Think back
Cus u may be not beautiful enough but

Wait thats not it
Who givs a fuck bout pretty petty faces
There so much things in the world to explore
Pretty faces just for markets
Easily available
U dont want to be that cheap
U dont wanna be fake
U dont want to be smuggling with flies
Appreciate ur own beauty
Slapping urself for not bein beautiful is not a way
Slap urself for not realising how wnderful god's creation

Be healthy
Hav a healthy lifestyle in and out
And u will glow more than the word beautiful

U. Happy. Makes the world smiles with u

There r persons who appreciate beauty as it is
I love uniqueness
There goes art in knowing

nope.no one understand

i always being so repellant

i dunno what actually im traumatized of

is it being in a close relationship with smone?

deep down my heart, i want to hav dat kinda relationship.

cus i wnna share it all

i neva let myself hav comfort with someone

im always so suspicious

alienated.

i always choose a way that diverged from others

i choose to hate chicken

i choose to deny my feelings

i choose to let myself being a stiff person

and

this is all already embedded in me long ago

smtimes i would feel empty

my new friends here seems to somehow dislike me

or is it me being unsecure

it is bcus i dont talk their language

i dont see their view

and i dont walk their lane

they r just being a group of typical girly girls

but smhow i cant accept it

cus im too annoyed

i want at least smone

to

rescue me

and

bring me to a comfort zone where i can be myself again

a friend here where can replace my besties back then 

besties,i really miss u guys

the pearl of my life

Why so desperate

I would say that i've been lonely n isolated for quite this few weeks..

I'm quite sick of getting involved in my girl classmate's conversation here.

It has always been talkg bout boys boys boys

And they would whine n describe how passionate their feelgs

Stalking, scanning,

Is it satisfying?

And do you hav to tell me all bout it?

I won't bother bout listening to it at all

There r too much things out there r more interestg

I am disgusted to some extend

Seeing how they hypocritically behave in front of guys

Y don't u just CHILL?

Not like the world would end if u don't do coupling

I'm a very cynical, which is a superior observant person

I hate what I'm viewing

And

Do I have to behave like them so that I can blend in and to be accepted?

Hell NO

I already have enough frens out there and I don't care if I'm lonely

The world is still wide for me to discover

If only that time comes for me to hav that feelgs, than I'll accept it

But I'll be not wastg my time thinking bout it throughout the day

here it comes

i was so desperate for the lights to come in my life

and it came

abruptly

suddenly my so long forgotten plan to do in life

ignites again

i was given this beautiful chance

after all those miseries

im back on track

but

i had to leave something so beautiful that i took a glimpse of

the life inUM

i might just found someone in my life there

i miss to play basketball in the early morning

i miss to jog around um

i miss those people

but

i believe god has his own way to show his love towards his little caliph

now,i had to start a new life in KMB

preparing,if lucky enough,

i'll get to study abroad

and KMB is a starting point where i wear hijab

but,i cant promise anything will be permanent

it is my dream to wear it.

u and always u

when will ever this world had enough of me?

after one, came another

suffering in silence

wears a mask of a cheerful face

when half of my heart and mind is goin crazy

thinking bout him

thinking bout my family

have to excel in my studies

 ayah

everyday im missing u

hoping that god provide u the garden of heaven

every single minutes

memories of us flashing back

when u buy me my very first badminton racket

when u say ' acik,buat susu utk ayah'

'acik,urut kaki ayah'

'ayah suka acik masakkan sayur utk ayah'

;(

i wish to cook for u ...again...

i miss

when u teach me to play golf

smtimes when u get very furious at me

when im being miscellanous

when u promise me u would get well to visit me at UM

i remembered when it was for the last time u drive me out

u wanna buy a pair of shoes and we had breakfast at mcd

that time

i know u r in awful pain

but still

u still wnna take me out

it was for the last time,a breakfast together

ayah

u always so silence

y just u cant tell how much pain u r in

y just cant u tell u need help

u always suffer alone

 

u smiled when abg amir told u i got straight a's

that time u just had chemotheraphy

but still, u smile for me

ayah,do i fulfilled ur expectations?

there's so much i've planned for u

at least i want u to see me bein a successful daughter for once

being a doctor dat'll treat u during ur old days 

but u gone too soon

i just can do nothing at all

looking at u lying helplessly on the bed

it was painful for me

but more painful for u

do i feel glad to let u go?

away from ur pain?

i just need u dad, i just miss u dad

i hope for a normal happy family

but now

i already lost the best man in my life

im tired of this

after one,came another

when will lights ever comes?

you are the reason i tried so hard

to impress u.theres nothing more

ibu pun rindukan ayah

she hoped u will come into her dream

she even wants to buy house near u,

just to see ur graveyard whenever she misses u

this is the time where a question is raised

should i broke down and immerse into this world

or

should i take life as normal when theres a hole inside me

ayah,

ayah ayah ayah ayah

 

AYAH

ayah,

i love u

i miss u

that saturday, we should have gone to port dickson

its bcus my dad had been always asking for a family gathering

he just loves the sea,the sunset,the seafood

he was lying helplessly on the bed

smtimes,he would summoned our names to help him rub his aching body

his body

was

so skinny that u guys cant ever imagine

i just cant tell and dont wanna talk bout it

it was so heartbreaking

it was on the saturday morning that we've packed our things 

get those food ready for the picnic

actually,my dad couldnt even eat a thing

cus his body was paralysed by stroke,

plus

he had cancer cells all over his body now,

its about 11 a.m.

my mom n abang sham lift him up to get him into the car

he was asking us to quickly prepared,

but

suddenly 

when we almost reached the car,

he passed out,
no respons
his eyes were all white
my mum urges for a doctor.
we lifted him to the bed again,cancelling all the agenda
,that very evening we went to hukm,hospital
my dad was submitted to ward tuanku ampuan hamzah again,
i didnt follow my mum and sister to hukm
and i regret that
we thought it was normal for him bein like this
cus it always happen like this
to and fro to the hospital every week
but
this time it was different,;(
that maghrib, my sis told dat father said
" ayah dah nampak jalan ke firdaus "
and he fell asleep with oxygen inhaler and all tubes bein pierced into his body

1.00 am,sunday
my mum was sleeping next to him on a chair holding his hand
while my sis was reading yasin
my dad look just fine
fine, means the bestest he could be now
then around 1.30 both my sis and mum felt asleep,
my mum heard dad mumbling smthg
it was like zikir,but he was totally paralyzed
he was so strong
he mumbles kalimah syahadah
around 3 am, mum woke up to solat hajat,
but @ dat time, when she hold his hand,it was ice cold,
she called out for him but no respons at all,
doctor came and declared he had gone
  soon afterwards,
i received a call,
my sis said ' acik,ayah dah meninggal'
imagine dat is the words dat u hav to hear when u just woke up
i felt numb,so numb dat my tears fell unconciously
ayahhh
ayahh,how could this happen
is this a joke
 till
when my dad's body was delivered to our house in cheras,
i still cant admit that is my dad

we continuosly reading yasiin
and
i took a glimpse at his face
for the last time
i kissed his forehead
for the last time
my heart crumbled
i look at his body in the graveyard
for the last time
sabar ainul,sabar
tapi,
ayah..dah xda.
tapi,
its better for him
at least he is free from pains
he was in pain for such a long time
its good for him
i believe
he is in a better place
cus he already saw the pathway to heaven
and he is my superdad, the only one i loved the most
the only reason i tried so hard to be successful
the only reason  is to make him proud of having a daughter like me
to live on his expectations
he is my everything
ayah,
mohd sharir b sharudin,
al fatihah

the rain girl

this seems to one happy umbrella

luminate vibrant colours

anyone can see it of it clearly

 but

 actually,

who did really see the tearing sorrow it hides?

no one

in fact

none could realise or care

an umbrella, produce rain by itself

when u not looking

...

when hiding problems bcome too much to handle

people might think a problem a teenage girl like me would have r not so serious

and

i also think these problems shouldnt be faced by a girl like me

the world is unfair

only if u understand what im facing

its a mix of every tragic events in drama u could think of

and im not really lying

im the umbrella that cries when people not looking

its soooooo hurtful

that now it comes every single day

...

im not used to crying b4

im not a soft hearted person

but when the God's test pressed me too much

its feel its not worth of life

my dream was crushed

my family was crushed

myself?

im waiting for a light

so i could shine the brightest without tears again

im getting sored out

this is taking all my energy

when ive planned all the good things i want to do in life,

now, 

just a dream i dont dare to dream again

unspeakable

the part that i wonder

smtimes,

i wonder how people look at me?

what r their 1st impression towards me

its all bout the self esteem issue

but

i feel im bein too much of the ignorance

cus 

i see other girls just can easily hook up with guys

how easily they accept smone that can be call love in their life

smtimes it disgust me

but

myb i just dont quite have understanding in that part of life

which i neva experience it b4

i always had this feeling to be the best in everything i vnture to

till when i was destined to lose,

i cant barely accept the reality

im not a perfectionist

but

my dream is to be an all rounder

which is for survival nowadays,,derrr

and for my parents

i subsitute love with obligation

dats y i kept my feelings numb

its a part of me that i left unexplored

soiled with feelings of rejection and imperfections

if u noe what i mean

well, this my life as a newbie in UM

sucker,,i say to myself

cus i only frther my studies in UM

Ainul, u such a loser,hha

ur frens r flying abroad and u still stuck in Malaysia

actually,

after the result of the scholar,,

i felt really depressed

plus my fmily issues haunted me

it is really depressing

crying in the dark is really hurtful

thinking bout the expectations from my fmily,

it is really killing me

i'd tried,but luck just not on my side

losing hope,broken vision, lost in direction, is all i had

this one hard time in my life

one sensitive part of me is that i hate to crush expectations n hope ppl put on me

dat only one thing i hate to do

i need new hope,new vision, which im still searching

this kind of evergreen music

u r currently listening to the sound 

arranged by the touch of deep meaningful inspiration

the strings of the guitars

the rolling of beats by the drum

make u fall into a sweet delusion

listen to it

the introduction is such a magnificient work of art

muse is evergreen

im not changing my blog song

cus the song itself called RESISTANCE

well,

this is so interesting

dat will make u look up at the sky in the hotness of the noon

its the sun

a beautiful phenomenon

happen in malaysia

27/5/2011

its the ring of the sun shown here

i cant really explain scientifically,

just wnna share some pctures i'd taken in front of my house

on the drizzling hot afternoon
it's called HALO

i have a really sweet tooth

im a sugarholic

u'll be suprise of how i ended up eating a whole choc moist cake in two days alone!

but i rarely do this

cus im a health concious actually

but still

i love the sugar rush

im startin an ice cream talk

this is gold medal baskin robbin ;]

and this is haagen dasz caramel cone ;p

 

scret recipes strawberry marshmellow cheese,,damn,its marshmellow marsmeshhow

do nuts..seeing this is delightful, right u mr donuts ss

  oww,,this is so shweet... sweet in my mouth

 as u noe,this comes with the caramel dipping sauce,,simple treats for my scavanging taste buds

 if u go to brger king, u must have this! hershey pie ;r

embrace urself for a massive thingy dat'll make u totally addicted

 

presenting..

trifle!

this is what i call 'death by chocolate'

this is one simple creation that an everybody's favourite,waffle

chocolate nutty tartlets

chocy torte! 

 here comes the guilty pleasure

 

crack the hard shell,then u get the fountain of paradise in it,,souffle

bread + pudding and u'll noe what is it = delicious

well..

the list r far from finish

cus there r so many good creation and invention of sweet food here

i bet u guys r havin ur saliva all over ur lips now

actually i dont really obsess with sweet things

i just love to look at them

cus

sweet things might look pleasant to ur eyes and taste buds

but when u hav too many

it kills u inside

 

this is an everyday dream

im thinking...

always thinking..

whenever im depressed

this is the thing dat delights me

the only greatest thing dat exist in this world

my obsession

a companion to make me happy

make me feel better

it is..

FOOD! 

im a food lover

i eat A LOT

its a kind of theraphy

when i was alone for months in Taiping,

i always had to go out by myself to buy myself food

so i kinda enjoy eating at varies places

 so

i wnna share some of my favourites

this is Kapitan's black paper fish fillet served with rice

well,i like fish more than chickens

smtimes, i went to the small restaurant near the BSN to hav this temptatous pasembur n cendol

its just unresistable

i always love cakes

this kek batik is simply delicious n addictive..8D

 fish n chips is a common dish

but i found the best cheapest one at selera malam

smtimes when i went back to cheras,

i got to taste a better menu

this is unagi set

grab it at o shima sushi at shah alam

this is margerita pizza

this is lemon herb salmon steak

smoked salmon spaghetti

this is all at vivo pizza

there r so many good food to recommend

food is a theraphy

hha

for a pathetic prson like me la

;j

n trust me

food reunite us all

then y we hav to seat together at a long table just to hav dinner

i just miss it

well im a lone ranger ;s

this new feeling

hha,sory for da prson dat i cropped in da picture cus
ur incivilised posee does not fit for public view
souh,
i was polishing my car, stormy..
then..
while i was scrubbin yubbin my stormy
a group of motorcyclists pass by
just what da heick r dey doin here in taman suria?,
n i blieve dey r still school kiddos
each carryng their beloved hunny bunny soulmati geffren at their back
ok,
their voices chit chatting wass so dmn loud yee
like makin announcement or what
i dont noe what r those 'celebritiesss' aiming for
real cheap publicities
as some of u guys noe,
ppl went to taman suria to hav some good times picnicking by the river,
splashing some refreshing cold water to their skin
it gives such a pleasure chill to our body
so
i blieve dat group r heading to the river
which also my fav spot

then
later
dat late evening,
i went to dat spot to just dip in my legs
watching the beauty of nature
but guess what i've found there~~
yaaahh
wait
it suppose to be 'yeeekkk'
poops
a big hot fresh human poops
how uncivilised n improper
how low their thinking skills r
luckily i saw it
i was about to step on it
cus i thought it was some stones
cus it was so humongous
;i

when hardship comes,u learn to be tougher

i drew dis last nite
just a simple sketch
cus im sleepy muchh afta had to watch nur kaseh dat is so kaseh dat nite
b4 i went to sleep,
sddnly my mind were running wild thinkg bout my future
repreminding me bout my confusion neh
i really need advices to help me
but
im all alone
im climbing an important stage in my life
but me parents were so faraway from me
n they were too bz
although im not so close with my parents meself
but smtimes i need guidance of what to do next
cus dis is all new for me
my fmily is kinda..
not talkin so much type
so we dun really noe what others' probs r
n we rarely do sum fmily gatherg stuff
dats y my fren,
i always took u guys wit me wheneva im havn lunch,dinner or buyn grocers
cus im all by myself now
just wanna u to understand
for this much only

what will u do when

what'll u do to release urself from sheteress(i just hate the word stress)?
well,
for me..
its the time i let loose
by
doin
some psychomaniac pathetic hobbies
suchh aess.

well,i love dance mat mania
i'll play till my eye sore looking dos tiny glittery arrow as where i suppose to step on it
but
i bet u its fun when the level is getting harder
and the best part,
i can rock out this thingy with my favourite downloaded songs
well,u hav to download it on ur own
cus i bet u cant stand listening to dos skanky disco songs provided
besides dance mat mania,
i do really love to deancee,,hhe

whenever im searching for tranquility,
i prefer drawing
my hands flow gracefully over those papers
i let my brain n imagination do the work
and my hands will express it out well

creativity generates my brain
and it makes me focus out from the patheotic life
even my book rack isnt enough to store my drwn blocks
so,
happily i dispose it off
and excitedly i buy a new one
smday im thinkg of publishing a comic
which feature a mature story line
of reality yea
shoujo pleasee lah
with dos big unrealistic eyes and noseless creature?
heilll no
i cant find smthg great bout it

well,i'd stated two of my life activity during leisure time
and
more coming soon
hha,like u care lah kan

when i close my eyes,i feel pain

i've planned my future
it supposed to be like this,like that,like this..
i want to achieve byond what ppl expect me to
cus i hate how ppl underestimate me
when i arrived at the next level,
there always a door
i only need the key
i noe there's my future bhind the door
but
this one thing had take away the key from me
and im so frustrated
they take my future
they take my hope
they take for granted all my efforts to be standing in front of the door
is this my fate,god?
r there other ways for me?
i just dont believe this
am i not eligible enough?
or arent they being unfair to me?
this is the time i need help
i need words from my father
but ayah,,ibu,,
our family is goin through a hard times
i myself not dare to seek for ur support
i wonder where should i go after dis?
smtimes,i feel i want to rebel against all this
against all this plan i've made
against all the good things i wanna do in life
smtimes i just cant hold it anymore
when theres no support i could get
im having bad thoughts
i want to do bad things
have lots of fun byond the limit
be useless
becus ppl dont giv me chances
;(
is it so hard just to be successful?
i wither as the door i've dreamt lock forever for me
and im irritated how others could easily obtain it
im so sad

but
i believe
actually im tired of believing
but still
myb theres some other greater ways will open up for me
life just so miserable when u r lonely

when life offers u too many choice

we always complain of how we lack of something
everyone desire of possessing smthg
but
smtimes,we go byond necessities
when i see some ppl ,,
that r far very unfortunate
it make me realise how spoilt some of us r
but
it is not a crime dat u want smthg
just avoid complaining n whining bout it
in fact
pray n work for it
cus god's bliss is everywhere
when u work hard,
u'll realise the true value of gaining it
and it'll make u appreciate whatever u have
then,come the pleasure of bein gratitude

when u always count and chase ur money,
it'll be always not enough
when u appreciate ur money
and share it for the love of humanity,
u'll feel an infinity sense of satisfaction

inside me

now i realise
i hate dramas
bcause
drama was a nonsense
but
now i had to swallow my own words painfully
this when the drama bcome a reality in my life
y reality always hav to be harsh
y things dat is harsh is called the reality of life
i disagreed
yes,now the world may seems to be crumbling down,
but,
if u believe in happiness dat u can achieved
the devil will lose
and reality will seems like a colourful playground
if u sad,
just smile
act against the bad thoughts
then,there'll be light
there's a lot of tragedies r hppening in dis wrld
dont say dat the wrld is harsh,
we,human is actually hurting each other
the key is dont create additional conlict to ur evryday dramas
and stop acting like a dramaqueen or king,watev
change ourself,evrybody
its not dat the wrld will waits for us

the story i only know

im writting dis for i noe dat no one would eva read my blog
its just i want a place where i can write out my feelings
there's been too much things goin on around me
and
its affecting me deep
i hav no place where i can share my stories
nor
a shoulder i want to lean on
frens could see my jolly merry face
while
my heart kept a misery that myself cant defeat it
my head keep thinking for a better solutions towards my probs
it's a reality i cant neva escape
it's a brutal reality i hav to accept
i've been longing for a small happiness that would stop by to take a glance at me
then i would be satisfied
i hav to pretend dat there's nothing goin on in my life evryday
i hate dramas
i fake a laugh, i fake a smile
dats burning me
while my head is thinking bout the 'matters'
so difficult to spit it out
so hard to swallow
i just cant tell the whole stories
i can only express the feelings im havin
one advice
money is not everything
family love is
appreciate ur parents
b4 u regret

chemistry

i aint talkin bout this ^ chemistry
im goin to say bout the unknown n unreveal chemistry that exist around us
myb u hav the chmstry with certain..
people,
animal,
day,
things,
tv channel,
beauty product,
:
:
blah blah
well, ive cme to realise this
im not sure whether i can call it chemistry or just luck
i have the chemstry with number,yes,i mean numberss
11
26
2
everything i do dat involves with this number,
it'll give me a happy ending
weiiiirrrddooo mee
ok,
i felt examination was easy seating at the 11th table,
1 pass my driving test at 11th february,
i met a ,hha, crush at 11 somethg,and his bday also has to do with 11 and 2
ok ok
im revealing too much here
well,,myb it is a destiny that god creates,
well,my teacher once said to me,,
'girl,we all hav 'jodoh',,even with things..
its like when u r using a new pencil,then the next day u broke it,,
well,ur 'jodoh' with the pencil hav ended'
see,,
even with things we hav the connection
i mean we hav all the connection to the universe
chemistry does gives a deeper meaning
wide , complex meaning that we ourself cant define it clearly

*when i lost someone close to me,
i know dat my jodoh with her has ended,
but i believe i can still meet her afterlife,
i love her,
fatini
my bestfriend,my sister*
pray for her
al fatihah
i'll be always rmmbering u

change

from a helpless child,to adolescence,then come the adulthood
these r major changes in stages of life
tell me which one is the most difficult?
im in one of these stage
too many came through me
this mix feeling smtimes drive me crazy
too mny coinsidence, too many things to learn,too many things to hndle,too many of things..
i want a change dat gonna make me a betta prson
smtimes,ppl force me to change the way they wnted
i know its for my own good,
but
im not prepared
im getting ready
i want the good change in me to remain in myself
ppl may underestimate and misinterpret me
u dont noe who am i
i got hell lot of scret u dont know
i hate it when ppl say things dat they don really noe
dont condemn ppl if u dont look @ urself,which r actually da sme
keep the peace

useless abilitites

god create us with somethg special
we r special,
just he added more for some prson he desire for some reason
some prson were born beautiful,
some a brilliant thinker,
some has its own creative side,
some has super strength,which myb useful in sports
too many to describe
u may have some of the gift from god
but,
did u wisely use it?
let say,
u r beautiful,
did u disgrace others who may not own an asset like u?
many of ppl i met,
they r beautiful,,attract the attention of others
but,
they r self lover
they just love themself too much.boasting n admiring their beauty so much
but the real beauty?do they hav it?myb just on the outlook
myb a beauty,,but an asshole
then,come the brilliant thinker
did u share knowldge n help others to get better understndg as well?
strength,
did u help the nannies to carry their heavy bags myb?
i know that evry human has its own special abilities,
but god does not restricted u to continue living by developing ur abilities only
the gift is just a shortcut (like a shortcut) for u,
to be develop others as well
y not bein beautiful,smart,strong,creative,warm hearted....n so on
will power is the key
dats y u r given time to improve..
;)
im not condemng bout others,
im referring to myself as well
i just want u to realise it too as i've realized this
our life in this world is so short
death can come to us in any time
even when u r young
...
i miss fatini,sorry

when the time of my life,i lose someone

the name,
fatini aqilah fadzil
evrytime i think bout this name,tears overflowin my eyes
too many words too say here
cus no one knows that we share too many memories together
but
i'll tell u a little piece of me and her
i met her for the first time during our first day as a highschool teenagers
3 years we had been into the same class
i dont expect we r goin to be close frens
cus she doesnt seem to fit my retarded epitome,
for the 3 years i had only mess up her life ( a bit)
i would tease her with some names she hated it,
i would drank all her tea that she packed to school,
but,
when i did all that,
she only smile back at me sayin 'ish,ko ni taw minum air aq ja,nti ko kne blnja aq'
then,a beautiful coinsidence continues for the next two years
here when i shared great moments with her,
we get into same boarding school
and even more,
we get to sleep side by side in the same dorm
smtimes,i'll woke her up,and smtimes she woke me up to school
we would race to the shower together and compete who done it faster
then,we walked to surau together,whining bout how tiring it is to walk that far just to go for prayer,hha..(pdhl leh sodorm ja)
we breakfast together,
she always thrilled by nasi impit and kuah kcg
whenever we felt so lazy,we would skip evening prep
if we hav to go,we would go back dorm really early (around 4.15) ,,to sodorm,hha
;I
i always tease how many her food was,,
until some of it she had to keep it in a large box in the luggage room
'eh tini,ko bwk byk2 ni ko nk bkak kdai runcit ka kt igop?'
'tini,laparrr..bg aq skit mknn ko yg byk tu'
during weekend,she would woke up really late,
when i studied in a corner of the dorm, i would look at her sleeping face for a moment
looking at her make me calm (and also sleepy again)
i remember when we had a long ride to get back to taiping
'aq bnci ah naik bus lompat ni'
'pkul 1 ptg btolak,pkul 9 mlm bru smpai rumah,,apekejadd'
we ran through the rain together
sing together
....
this is the most precious moment i had with her
;(
when,
i used to sit with her evry evening b4 the night prep or during weekend at the white bench
looking at the sky,the series of mountains
smtimes we would smile to see the rainbow
' aq rasalah, bukit kt c2 msti bt larut kn,,apalah kwn2 aq kt taiping tgh wat ni'
'tini,ko dh fkir ko nk amik course ape nti?'
'tini,,aq tringin mkn domino,,blnja aq'
'tini,,nti ble aq dpt lesen kreta,aq bwk ko tour mesia lps spm'
'tini,,,'
tinii
...
we talked bout future
hmmm
soo many to tell u,tini
i love u fatini
i miss u
i never realise how close we were
why when u still alive,i just cant admit u my besfren,u like a sister to me
now that u r not here,
it crush me
im crushed,im sad
so heartbreak
i had so many plan to do with u after u finished plkn
but,god has a plan 4 u
fatini,the prson that is embedded in my heart,always
too many moments that i just couldnt tell u guys,,its so precious
al fatihah
to fatini aqilah fadzil
i love u

lights up

i miss books,studying,school
it feels so nice to gain knowledge
i cant understand y people despise studies
it's knowledge,
it makes u closer to the world that god invent
it's delighful,like a drug
it's not a burden
it's just ur mind setting that sayin reading is lame n boring
well, only people with low mentality can say that
im brave enough to say this
cus im sick of most of people i met they just dont realise it
they love partying, wasting time worrying bout their lovey bunny life, or so watever
now,just think what u r goin to be in the future
many of the people i met,say this
'im stupid,how can i be a doctor or myb an engineer?'
the thing is u r bein lazy
nothing is impossible
u can go beyond the limit
the thing is u don wnna put a challenge on urself
do u love urself that much
as u realise,ur world is crumbling down
njoy ur life in a appropiate way
dont be a pain in the ass to the public,
cus i hate jerks like that

speaking as a teenager

yes,as u can see,,im bout to open an issue in a teen's life
what is so fussy of bein a teenager?
y ppl keep on sayin that bein a teen is the hardest time in ur life?
well,im a teenager
to me,if u keep urself out of the probs,life as a teen could be easy,
in fact it would be the most wonderful time in ur life
what's so stressful bout it anyway?
i know y,,
it's becus teenagers r always bein rebellious.
we think that our problem is so burdenful ,
but
do we eva think how hard other ppl life might be?
how bout other people from other continents which they risk their life evryday just to be able to breathe again the next minute?
we r lucky enough to live in such a comfortble life,but,
we keep making our little probs a major issue..
till sumtimes we do sumthing that is actually ruining our bright future,
well,myb teenage is a stage where our mind is still persistent to reality of life,
but,in world nowadays,
we just have to embrace ourself n be mature
cus the world doesn't wait for u.
i have a little story bout a person who live in her own dream,
she is bout the same age as me,
she believe her life is not moving without experiencing the love,
the type of love as u know,special feelings,i mean deep feelings toward a person,
she is easily fall in love,becos she was so desperate
she want to feel love,she want to give love desperately,
and one day,
she received a message from a stranger,
a guy which she never know n never met,
she believe evry words the guy said ,
she believe that was the right choice,yes,to accept the 'love' via phone,
she was so over the moon,
she was finally able to give her heart to that stranger,
but
she is abondaning her studies,
she is too obsessed in love,and possesed by the 'sweet' words the guy says,
she think that by having a bf,she would be motivated in studying,
but,as she couldn't realise,her time mostly wasted by thinking of that stranger,
when exam is around the corner,she cries,
she said she was not ready,just becos she dont have enough time spend in studying,
now,she blame the ppl around her
she even blame god
and her exam result horrified her parents,their epectations on her were crushed
now,she is holding tight to her bf,
thinking that her bf is the only person would comfort her,
but,it turns out that the guy was actually a player,
he had enough with her,
he just wanna boast to his friend,to say that he owns many gf..wtf?
now,the cut cant be healed anymore,,it's sucks to live in regrets doesn't it?
life would not end if u dont find love,especially during teenage time,
there r so many other ways to express love and receive love,
avoid all the false hope,
life is great,,so be grateful
the world is large enough for us,think about goin global
take a journey that'll give u satisfaction,not regrets.
@ least,love to live
and be flexible to spare time and mind between ur love life and the reality..
dont get urself controlled and hang up on others. ;)