when i close my eyes,i feel pain

i've planned my future
it supposed to be like this,like that,like this..
i want to achieve byond what ppl expect me to
cus i hate how ppl underestimate me
when i arrived at the next level,
there always a door
i only need the key
i noe there's my future bhind the door
but
this one thing had take away the key from me
and im so frustrated
they take my future
they take my hope
they take for granted all my efforts to be standing in front of the door
is this my fate,god?
r there other ways for me?
i just dont believe this
am i not eligible enough?
or arent they being unfair to me?
this is the time i need help
i need words from my father
but ayah,,ibu,,
our family is goin through a hard times
i myself not dare to seek for ur support
i wonder where should i go after dis?
smtimes,i feel i want to rebel against all this
against all this plan i've made
against all the good things i wanna do in life
smtimes i just cant hold it anymore
when theres no support i could get
im having bad thoughts
i want to do bad things
have lots of fun byond the limit
be useless
becus ppl dont giv me chances
;(
is it so hard just to be successful?
i wither as the door i've dreamt lock forever for me
and im irritated how others could easily obtain it
im so sad

but
i believe
actually im tired of believing
but still
myb theres some other greater ways will open up for me
life just so miserable when u r lonely