AYAH

ayah,

i love u

i miss u

that saturday, we should have gone to port dickson

its bcus my dad had been always asking for a family gathering

he just loves the sea,the sunset,the seafood

he was lying helplessly on the bed

smtimes,he would summoned our names to help him rub his aching body

his body

was

so skinny that u guys cant ever imagine

i just cant tell and dont wanna talk bout it

it was so heartbreaking

it was on the saturday morning that we've packed our things 

get those food ready for the picnic

actually,my dad couldnt even eat a thing

cus his body was paralysed by stroke,

plus

he had cancer cells all over his body now,

its about 11 a.m.

my mom n abang sham lift him up to get him into the car

he was asking us to quickly prepared,

but

suddenly 

when we almost reached the car,

he passed out,
no respons
his eyes were all white
my mum urges for a doctor.
we lifted him to the bed again,cancelling all the agenda
,that very evening we went to hukm,hospital
my dad was submitted to ward tuanku ampuan hamzah again,
i didnt follow my mum and sister to hukm
and i regret that
we thought it was normal for him bein like this
cus it always happen like this
to and fro to the hospital every week
but
this time it was different,;(
that maghrib, my sis told dat father said
" ayah dah nampak jalan ke firdaus "
and he fell asleep with oxygen inhaler and all tubes bein pierced into his body

1.00 am,sunday
my mum was sleeping next to him on a chair holding his hand
while my sis was reading yasin
my dad look just fine
fine, means the bestest he could be now
then around 1.30 both my sis and mum felt asleep,
my mum heard dad mumbling smthg
it was like zikir,but he was totally paralyzed
he was so strong
he mumbles kalimah syahadah
around 3 am, mum woke up to solat hajat,
but @ dat time, when she hold his hand,it was ice cold,
she called out for him but no respons at all,
doctor came and declared he had gone
  soon afterwards,
i received a call,
my sis said ' acik,ayah dah meninggal'
imagine dat is the words dat u hav to hear when u just woke up
i felt numb,so numb dat my tears fell unconciously
ayahhh
ayahh,how could this happen
is this a joke
 till
when my dad's body was delivered to our house in cheras,
i still cant admit that is my dad

we continuosly reading yasiin
and
i took a glimpse at his face
for the last time
i kissed his forehead
for the last time
my heart crumbled
i look at his body in the graveyard
for the last time
sabar ainul,sabar
tapi,
ayah..dah xda.
tapi,
its better for him
at least he is free from pains
he was in pain for such a long time
its good for him
i believe
he is in a better place
cus he already saw the pathway to heaven
and he is my superdad, the only one i loved the most
the only reason i tried so hard to be successful
the only reason  is to make him proud of having a daughter like me
to live on his expectations
he is my everything
ayah,
mohd sharir b sharudin,
al fatihah